I Will Always Be Here
by shteffi123
Summary: Alternate ending to episode 3x14 'The Lady Vanished' after Lily has just received Rufus' scarf. Lily goes to the loft, scarf in hand, in the middle of the night. Will Rufus and Lily get through this one? First story, please rate and review!
1. Chapter 1

Lily gripped Rufus' scarf closer to her chest, her knuckles turning white. Tears streamed down her face, her make-up chasing them down to form long black lines across her cheeks. She tried to silence the little gasps escaping her lips, afraid anyone in the house would hear her. As she leant back into the lounge she was curled up in, lie after lie began unravelling in her head. She never visited her mother in August, Cece wasn't even sick. She couldn't bring herself to think, let alone speak the one word that would refuse to go away. Cancer. It seemed a cruel dream ever since she was diagnosed, the only people she'd known to have cancer were just faceless names tossed around sympathetically in flurries of conversations past. But it was a reality, and it was something she had to face. To her, to her children, and to her husband.

She was exhausted after the tears finally ran out, but the pangs in her stomach refused to cease. She laid Rufus' scarf on the coffee table and hastily wiped the rogue makeup off her face as she stood up; a habit she'd acquired from her years as a social climber. _Always look your best, you never know who will show up _echoed in her mind, and she spared a giggle at the vain words of wisdom. She turned to walk up to her room, but sneaked another glance at Rufus' scarf lying limply on the table. She couldn't erase the memory of Vanya's face last night when he handed her Rufus' scarf that had appeared mysteriously in another woman's room down the hall. She couldn't recall the woman's name, there were so many people in the building complex she was living in already, and she was probably just another person she'd smiled at as she went along her way. She snapped her head back around, and shook her head instinctively, trying to forget Vanyas' sad eyes and helpless words fumbling all over the place. He had tried so hard to not make her feel bad, but they both knew what that little piece of woollen material meant in the woman's room.

Lily and Rufus both knew they were equally perfect as they were imperfect for each other from the moment they met. Lily had come from a family of upper class snobs, striving for social glory every waking moment. Rufus was raised in Brooklyn, his family pushing him only to live life to the fullest. They met when Rufus was the lead guitarist and singer of 'Lincoln Hawk', a band that was dubbed number nine in 'The Top Ten forgotten bands of the 90's' in Rolling Stone magazine. Lily was a budding photographer and professional groupie of Lincoln Hawk, and they fell in love from the second their eyes met. But fate had a way of pulling them apart, and as the years rolled on, so did their lives. Lily went on to be all her mother Cece wanted her to be, and Rufus went on with his own life. Twenty years later they somehow found their lives tangled up in each other's again, and like a fairytale ending, they fell back in love and married. Lily's fifth husband, Rufus' second wife. They had missed a lot of their lives, but they believed no matter how heavy their baggage, they could last.

Lily went into her room to get her bag and jacket, and swiftly flew out the door. She knew she shouldn't be going to see Rufus at this late hour, but she felt she had lost all control of her legs, them working all by themselves. She quietly crept down the stairs, knowing that Jenny and Eric were sleeping only metres away. She walked back over to the glass coffee table and picked up the scarf, tucking it under her arm. It was still warm as she strode over to the elevator. She punched in the luminescent L for lobby on the metal plaque and as the doors came to a close, and she collapsed back against the elevator, finally having a few moments completely alone to herself.


	2. Chapter 2

It was cold in Brooklyn, the icy flakes of snow gathered on Lily's shoulders as she stepped out of the car. She was still debating whether this was right, whether she should show up unexpected and practically come undone in front of Rufus. She blinked away more tears as she assured herself that it was the right thing to do. She had to tell him the truth.

She still had her key to the loft, Rufus never asked for it back. She stepped up to the large metal door, juggling her bag, Rufus' scarf and her set of keys and attempted to open the door silently so not to wake anyone. Like everything else she did, she failed, the door creaking loudly, breaking the eerie silence of the night. Her heels clacked on the concrete floor as she tried to navigate herself blindly around the room. She tried to find a light switch when a loose thread on her pants snagged on something she could only guess as the lounge, which sent her flying forward. Arms flailing, she shrieked in fright. Suddenly two warm hands wrapped themselves around her wrists, stopping her fall. For a moment she was confused, but just as quickly a velvety voice washed over her, soothing her.

'Lil, I should have known you were still as unpredictable as ever. I would have left the light on otherwise'. A gravelly giggle rang out in the still pitch black room as Lily steadied herself, Rufus' hands still gripping her tightly. She got to her feet, her heart beating so heavy she wondered if Rufus could hear it. Before she could control her emotions, she burst into tears, collapsing into Rufus. Rufus' knees buckled under the sudden weight, but didn't manage to lose his balance. Lily was suddenly very warm; the cold almost completely disappeared in Rufus' comforting arms. In one swift gesture, Lily was lifted up in Rufus' arms and felt Rufus slump onto a nearby couch, herself still cradled in his arms. She spared a giggle at how well Rufus could navigate himself in such darkness, and buried herself deeper into Rufus' arms. It felt so right there, so peaceful. For a moment Lily had forgotten all about the scarf still scrunched in her hand, and just listened to the breathing of the two of them, the stillness so powerful she felt she could drown in it. Her eyes had formed a glaze from the tears around them, suddenly making her eyes very heavy. Rufus' warming breathing steadied and he didn't say a word as Lily drifted off to sleep.

She didn't know how long it was before Rufus shifted on the lounge, her mind speeding into reality. It was still night, but the beginnings of tomorrow were starting to appear. She turned to Rufus, her eyes channelled to the darkness. She could only make out a slight outline of his face and his eyes as she began to speak.

'Rufus, I thi-'she stopped mid sentence as Rufus pulled his hand into view, his scarf in hand. A pang in her stomach made her double over, a reaction far worse than what she'd expected. Rufus released his grip as she went into a sitting position, her head between her knees. Hands pulled her hair behind her ears, and warm breath tickled her jaw line.

'Lil, I know you might find this hard to believe, but...nothing happened. You know me'.

His voice never raised above a whisper. She sat up and turned to Rufus, her big brown eyes bore into Rufus'. She cupped his head in her hands and brought his face up so they were looking eye to eye.

'I know Rufus, just, there's something I need to tell you. I don't want you to be angry. I just can't live with all the little untruth's surrounding us. I...it's just...going to be hard to say this'. Her voice cracked on the last word, tears welling up in her eyes. She didn't brush them away, but she snatched her eyes away, looking down. Rufus' arms slid smoothly around her and forced her against him in embrace. With that gesture, she threw her arms around him, bursting into tears.

'Oh Rufus, I'm so sorry. I should never have lied to you. But I'm...scared' She formed the sentence around choking gasps.

Rufus suddenly got very worried. Scenario's circled around his head as he tried to calm Lily's increasingly loud sobs which sent jolts through her body. Just the sound of her in pain made him want to scream.

'Rufus, it's not my mother who's sick' she sobbed.

'It's...me'.


	3. Chapter 3

The words hit her hard. She was so frightened of facing her reality she'd never actually spoken the words aloud herself.

Lily felt Rufus go stiff. He let go of Lily and stood up. She couldn't see where he was going. Steady footsteps closed around the couch until an explosion of light filled the room. Lily grabbed a pillow instinctively, her eyes not used to the harsh light. By the time she could adjust her eyes to her surroundings, Rufus had resumed his position, only this time his face had turned white.

'But...why didn't you tell me, Lil? How long have you...had it? Is it bad? Is it Ca-'he cut his sentence short, ashamed at the blatancy of his words. Lily forgave him immediately, she had expected this reaction.

'Lily...talk to me' Rufus pleaded, his eyes big and tearing up. Lily wrapped her arms around him, her left hand moving up and down his back, attempting to comfort him.

'Rufus, I've wanted to tell you. Tell you so bad, but I just couldn't. If you knew and the kids knew, soon everyone would know and it would all become so real. I couldn't face that. Please try and understand.' She sat up, dizzy from the sharp movement.

'Lily, don't ever think you can't tell me anything. I will always be here. I understand why you thought you couldn't, Lily. Just please don't shut me out. I love you, always have, and always will.' Rufus said, gripping tightly onto Lily's hands. Lily smiled the warm smile she hadn't used in a long time, and Rufus grinned along with her.

'Lily, you must be starving, why don't you just relax here while I make you some breakfast?' Rufus asked, standing up and moving to the kitchen. Lily sat back, all weights lifted from her. She had forgotten about the scarf for now, she just had eyes for Rufus.

'I would love that. How about waffles?' She replied, tying her hair up in a messy bun with elastic around her wrist. She had favoured neat, perfect buns for a while, but preferred her hair out lately, although it had become quite messy through the night. Her joints were aching from the soft couch under her, and she struggled to find a comfortable position. She eyed the scarf crumpled on the glass coffee table again, still pangs of worry rippling through her as she tried to wake up completely. She still didn't know why Rufus had seen the woman, or who she was. She frowned, creases forming on her forehead.

Before she knew it a plate of freshly made waffles appeared in front of her and Rufus sat down next to her. He was still grinning, but the grin faded once he saw her worried face.

'What's wrong? Are the waffles burnt?' He asked half jokingly.

'Rufus' – she turned to him – 'why did you see that woman in the building? And why, after stomping out of my apartment the night before were you so easy to forgive me last night? Are you sure nothing happened? If something did, is that why you forgave me so easily?' She felt uncomfortable accusing him of this, but she was still drowsy from the night before, and was still close to tears.

Rufus became stiff, and was silent for a moment. He then showed a pained expression, of hurt and anger. Lily felt immediately guilty of asking Rufus of such things. She gripped her stomach, her frown getting deeper. Rufus took an angry jab at the waffles, and stuffed it into his mouth.

'Lil- no, how dare you? How dare you accuse me of this? Lily, I love you. I just told you I did. I would do anything for you. I was angry at you, so I saw Holland. We met at the rooftop garden meeting. But nothing happened. I repeat, nothing happened.' His voice was cold and harsh, and the words stung. Lily turned uncomfortably to the waffles and helped herself to some.

'Rufus...I need you so much. I don't know why I thought you would do anything. But when Vanya brought the scarf up I expected the worst. I'm sorry, Rufus.' She felt tears prick up in her eyes again.

She took another bite of the waffles and wiped the tears away. Rufus saw her crying again, and grabbed her neck, pulling her into a violent kiss. Lily softly moaned as their tongues intertwined. A jolt panged in her stomach, a familiar ache she got whenever Rufus was around. When she thought of Rufus, she would have to steel herself, because he made her weak just thinking about him. In a swirl of kisses Lily thought that maybe, just maybe, things would be alright.


End file.
